hold me closer tiny bastard

tobi/mabes. 20. he/she/they. ur local elton john stan

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Posts tagged dnr:

oh just dissociated....thats fun lads!

thought i was getting over my insecurity with annoying people but it turns out i just did not have any friends! and now it is back. god bless

to do today!

  • laundry
  • go out for coffee/lunch by myself, because i deserve it
  • maybe get my eye exam done? if there's a place that takes walk ins
  • gotta. fully figure out if i really want to do contacts or glasses
    • if i get contacts i can buy all the tacky elton glasses i want without paying for lenses AND i can get sunglasses without being worried about loosing them
    • but also im lazy by default and grabbing my glasses off the night table and putting them on is SO much easier than going to the bathroom and putting contacts in

honestly? ever since i decided that i wasn't going to bother with shaving but would still wear shorts/skirts/dresses my self confidence has gone up SO much...i feel a lot more confident in my identity as a gnc nonbinarry femme lesbian, and i finally feel like i can wear makeup but still be like. Visibly Lesbian

not 2 be like. emo on main. but i really wish i could just let myself cry!

today is just a bad day! feels like my head is full of static and i can barely understand what people are saying to me but i have to be on my best because of work and like. it just sucks!

like anyway! have only told two of my closest friends and No One Else but i john mulaney voice i figured i would tell all of you. but i May be. possibly. Maybe So. a gay trans man. but i have already come out to everyone i know as a lesbian. and also! what if this is all internalized lesbophobia/misogyny!  but also there have been Possible Hints throughout my life that lead towards it. but therr are also Possible Hints thay lead towards me being a lesbian. but maybe me thinking that is internalized transphobia/homophobia!

and i Know if i do actually like men. it is not as a woman. like i can't explain How i know that but i just DO. so maybe im a bi man?

like i wish there was a Definitive Test that could tell me for SURE. because this is all SO messy and i can't tell where its heteronormativity and internalized shit or Actually Me or just me being raised on the internet or what! This Shit Is So Messy

rlly just started crying over bodys because they played it when i saw car seat headrest with my dead brother....grow up! sad and weird

i am trying Very Hard not to think of my dead brother but Good Lord. This Shit Is Everywhere She's Just All Over The Place!

good lord i am really going to live the rest of my life without my brother. like i will have to observe the one year anniversary of his suicide. five years. ten years. one day i'll forget what his voice sounded like. like not to be selfish but i think thats a bit unfair! just a little bit fucked up

hm. seems like i feel, as the teens say, "bad"

goblincore is sexy but also my smart jewish brain is like. hm. sounds suspicious

genuinely CANNOT wait until i inevitably push everyone away like Good Lord Im Ready To Fade Into Obscurity Without Disappointing Anyone

mourning is Very Difficult when you can only either experience an emotion for hours on end or cry for five minutes and then feel absolutely nothing for a total of one hour before landing back at square one like

one of my mutuals on tumblr made a donations post bcos their parents cut them off and they ended up getting legitimate anon hate over it and people calling them a kike like....goyim is the same.

me every week sitting down to watch brooklyn 99: i am not immune to propoganda 😔

genuinely if one more person tries to say q*eer is some all inclusive word or that it isnt a slur im just going to go absolutely feral

today was Fun and Sexy i suppose but now im tired and sad! and i do not like that.